Assertive Communication

Assertive Communication

Here are some tips on how to communicate more assertively with others:

Think and talk about yourself POSITIVELY.

• Eliminate adding qualifying statements to your opinions or requests (e.g., “you’ll probably think this is crazy, but…”, “…I guess”, “but that’s just my opinion”).

• Reduce tag questions (e.g., “does that make sense?”, “is that okay?”)

Consciously take responsibility for yourself and avoid taking responsibility for others.

• Eliminate “should”, “ought to”, and “have to”.
• Practice using the phrase “I choose to”.

Giving and getting information

• Recognize yes/no questions. When you are asked a yes/no question respond with a yes/no answer. You do not need to elaborate upon or justify any response you give.
• Recognize information questions. Give as much information as you feel comfortable in response to the question but don’t feel you have to justify your answer.

“I” statements

• Avoid using “you” statements that distance you from your feelings. Instead, use statements that begin with “I feel ______”.
• Avoid using “you” statements that accuse. Many people interpret statements that begin with “you” as blaming and often become defensive in response.

Giving and receiving constructive criticism

• Talk about the behavior, not about the person. Be as specific as possible.
• Couple the criticism with a compliment.
• Learn to discriminate between something that is your problem from something that is their problem. 

Feeling talk

• Specify feelings (e.g., I see, I hear).
• Practice “I feel…” statements rather than using “I think…” statements.
• Recognize that no one can tell you how to feel. There are no right or wrong feelings, feelings just are.

Statements without explanations

• You have a right to your opinions and decisions.
• A simple “no” is enough, without excuses.

Persistence

• Use the broken record technique: repetition of a simple statement of fact (e.g., “I am not available at 2:00, our original time is better for me”).
• Use fogging: reflect what the other person has said and then say “but” before you say your statement. When you use fogging, you show that you are listening to the other person.

10 Powerful Steps to Defuse Angry Customers

Here are ten powerful steps to defuse angry customers, address the issues and sustain customer loyalty.

Dissatisfied customers are, unfortunately, a fact of business life. How you respond will determine whether the customer goes on to tell all his friends and family how terrible your business is or instead rave about your unmatched customer service. Here are 10 things you can do to turn the situation around.

1. Assume that the Customer has a Right to be Angry 

Nobody makes mistakes on purpose, but they do happen. If you are working in a call center, behind a counter or in any capacity that directly interfaces with customers then you are going to encounter an irate customer at some time. The most common response is to evaluate the merit of the complaint while you are listening to it. Try to curb that common response and replace it with the assumption that the customer has a right to be angry, even before you know the details.

Perhaps the customer feels betrayed because the product or services did not meet expectations. The customer may be angry because he or she made incorrect assumptions that led to improper expectations. The customer may be angry because of previous experiences, previous contacts with your company or simply because the problem occurred at a very inconvenient time in the customer schedule. Regardless of the circumstances, acknowledge the customer has the privilege to be irate. Listen carefully to how the anger is expressed so you can find the root cause of the emotion.

2. Listen to Emotion without Emotion 
Listen to the inflections and emphasis that the customer places on specific topics to identify the emotional catalyst. Listen to the emotion as well as the words. This will help you to identify the specific item or items that need primary attention. Resolving a technical issue may be only partially effective if it does not also address the customer emotional concerns. It may not be possible to completely resolve the emotional distress, but it is appropriate to acknowledge it.

Imagine that a customer experienced a technical malfunction when downloading digital images of a special event, wedding or family vacation. The technical issue may be related to hardware or software, but the emotional distress is related to the risk of losing precious memories. While it is necessary to correct the technical issue, it is also appropriate to acknowledge the risks that create the emotional response. Try to preserve the precious memories or at least explain why they can not be retrieved, but do not ignore the emotional catalyst.

Do not respond with emotion. Remember that the customer anger is not directed at you personally, even if the customer language is directed at you. If the customer language is attacking and borderline abusive, it is because the customer is looking for acknowledgement and response to the emotional distress as well as the technical or administrative issues. It may be necessary to repeatedly acknowledge the customer emotion to diffuse the situation and reassure the customer that you are attentive to the importance of the emotional distress as well as the technical issue.

3. Be Patient 
Customer conversations come in waves. When the customer is at the peak of expressing anger, sorrow or distress, be patient and listen. It is not effective to interrupt the customer when he or she is venting combustible sentiments. It is like pouring gasoline on a raging fire. Rather, wait for the waves of emotion to recede and then use that opportunity to interject with reassuring comments.

Sometime the customer anger will erupt and return like another set of waves. When that happens, be patient and wait for the customer to run out of gas before you approach the fire again. Reiterate your compassion, acknowledge the customer right to be angry and the catalyst for the emotional distress. Takes quiet deep breaths and wait patiently for your turn to speak.

4. Speak Softly 
If you encounter a loud and abusive customer, respond by speaking softly and with a very steady tone. If you try to shout over the customer or interrupt, then the customer will concentrate on the verbal battle for attention and will not pay attention to the importance of your message. If you want your message to be heard, wait for a pause in the customer tirade. Silence is your golden cue that it is time to speak your important message in a soft voice. Eventually the customer will have to lower his or her voice to hear what you are saying.

Even though it may seem that the customer does not care about what you have to say at first, remember that the customer approached you for resolution. The customer may have built up a considerable amount of emotion before reaching you, but ultimately the customer does want your advice and assistance to resolve the problem. Once the customer remembers why he or she contacted you, the customer will be receptive to your soft spoken conversation.

5. Reiterate 
Make sure that you are addressing the technical, administrative and emotional aspects of the customer concerns. After you have listened carefully to the customer, reiterate the priorities that you believe that you heard from the customer perspective. This will assure that you are focused on the appropriate issues and reassure the customer that you are concentrating on the proper priorities.

Use a soft, firm and inquisitive voice. Ask the customer to confirm that you have restated the facts and priorities accurately, then write them down.

6. Own the Problem 
It does not matter who created the problem or what transpired before the customer got to you. Tell the customer that you own the problem and will apply your personal effort to achieve results.

Sometimes it may be tempting to distance yourself from the problem by stating that you are not responsible for it, that another department will need to handle it, or that you are just a messenger. Put that temptation in a can and put a lid on it. Expressing that you do not have ownership of the problem or the potential resolution gives the customer a feeling of being adrift and powerless. if the customer senses that he or she is communicating with someone who is powerless, it will create yet another reason to be frustrated and angry.

Even if you do need to work with other departments, get manager approval or coordinate some other type of response, inform the customer that you will personally take the matter into your own hands and follow-up on the issues. The customer does not know your company, your policies or your procedures. The customer will never be able to navigate the requirements, restrictions or resolution with the same knowledge and experience as you. Reassure the customer that you will use your knowledge and experience to coordinate the best possible resolution, even if you need to get the assistance of other parties to achieve it.

7. Place the Customer First, Problem Second 
In most cases there are two conflicting issues that occur simultaneously when dealing with irate customers. There first issue is the customer emotional distress. The second is the technical or administrative issue that caused the emotional distress. While it may seem logical to focus first on the technical or administrative issue that cause the emotional distress, it is important to acknowledge the customer anger first and the technical issue second.

Resolving the technical issue may or may not fully resolve the root cause of the customer distress. Acknowledge the customer concerns first and try to calm down the customer enough to help you concentrate on the technical or administrative problems. Sometimes the technical problem may require much more attention because it may impact other customers. Acknowledge the individual customer emotion first, resolve the specific customer technical issue second and reserve addressing any bigger issues as independent activity.

8. Triage 
Once you have an opportunity to focus on technical and administrative issues, triage the root cause of the problems to determine what went wrong. Analyze the problem and provide corrective measures or detailed information in an effort to avoid duplicating the problem with other customers. It may be necessary to obtain some additional information from your customer to accurately analyze the root cause of the problem.

9. Correct the Issue 
Correct the issue for the specific customer and also look for long term corrective measures. It may not be feasible to give your customer a guarantee that the correction will resolve all problems permanently, but it may be appropriate to reassure the customer that you will be available to assist in the event that another different problem should occur again. Demonstrate your confidence that this specific problem is resolved and is not expected to reoccur. Demonstrate your attention to the specific customer by reiterating original concerns and actions that you took to correct the issue.

10. Follow Up 
When possible, follow-up with the customer after sufficient time has elapsed to demonstrate that the corrective action has been effective. A phone call or a personalized postcard demonstrates individual attention and acknowledgement. Demonstrating compassion and attentiveness thirty days after a problem has been resolved is a powerful message to show that you really do care about the individual customer. This follow-up after the anger has subsided and the corrective action has been demonstrated as effective may be enough to retain loyal customers and earn a few new ones.

Words of Wisdom

"You can't teach someone to care."
- Art Sakaguchi

"The crisis of yesterday is the joke of tomorrow."
- H G Wells

"Speak when you are angry and you'll give the best speech that you will ever regret." 
- Lawrence J Peter

Leader Challenge - Ban Complaining

“The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The leader adjusts the sails.” -John C. Maxwell

“Don’t find fault, find a remedy; anybody can complain” ~Henry Ford  

Most of us when pressed on the issue think that complaining in the workplace is useless. Everyone complains, but nothing gets done. That’s the reality for so many of us. Whether you realize it or not, complaining is actually detrimental to your organization. Complaining affixes blame elsewhere which eliminates ownership, contributes to an environment of negativity, excuses poor performance, and breeds inaction. It is this last point that provides the key to fixing all of the others.

Ban complaining, but encourage solutions

Now many of us have heard the above line before and it sounds great to all of us, but is PAINFULLY difficult to implement. After all, we have years of practice complaining when things go wrong and washing our hands of the situation. It’s very convenient to say to yourself “Well I complained about it so that means I identified the issue and brought it to the attention of others.” And it is for that reason I pose this topic as a Leadership Challenge. Challenge yourself to create a complaint free environment, if you do so you will most likely be SHOCKED at how positive and empowering the effects are. Start with these suggestions:

Announce it – The first step is to announce it. Perhaps you start with one day a week “No Complaint Mondays”, or you try it for a week, or you just commit to it from this point forward. Given that this is a negative trait that your whole team has practice with, you need to make sure they are all working on it together. It’s easier to break an addiction if you have someone you are accountable to.

Redirect it – The next step is to redirect complaints when people slip (including yourself). The obvious redirection after you hear a complaint is, “Well what can we do about that?”

Encourage it – Your team will need help coming up with solutions, so be prepared to assist with that. But the most important thing is to log some WINS by working to get some solutions in place. This creates the positive feedback necessary to keep the process rolling. If you can’t get some wins, or aren’t committed to personally expending the effort to get some, then this challenge will fail quickly.

Every organization needs more solutions to their issues. The first step in that is identifying those items that need solving. I believe that what we complain about day in and day out is a natural place to start. As a leader, are you up for the challenge?

101 Email Etiquette Tips

It is important that whether for business or personal use that you follow the basics of email etiquette. This document covers for you the top tips for email etiquette that everyone needs to be aware of and follow. By doing so you will be a joy to communicate with while being perceived as a caring and intelligent human being.

Sending Emails Make sure your e-mail includes a courteous greeting and closing. Helps to make your e-mail not seem demanding or terse. Address your contact with the appropriate level of formality and make sure you spelled their name correctly. Spell check - emails with typos are simply not taken as seriously. Read your email out loud to ensure the tone is that which you desire. Try to avoid relying on formatting for emphasis; rather choose the words that reflect your meaning instead. A few additions of the words "please" and "thank you" go a long way! Be sure you are including all relevant details or information necessary to understand your request or point of view. Generalities can many times cause confusion and unnecessary back and forths. Are you using proper sentence structure? First word capitalized with appropriate punctuation? Multiple instances of !!! or ??? are perceived as rude or condescending. If your email is emotionally charged, walk away from the computer and wait to reply. Review the Sender's email again so that you are sure you are not reading anything into the email that simply isn't there. If sending attachments, did you ask first when would be the best time to send? Did you check file size to make sure you don't fill the other side's inbox causing all subsequent e-mail to bounce? Refrain from using the Reply to All feature to give your opinion to those who may not be interested. In most cases replying to the Sender alone is your best course of action. Make one last check that the address or addresses in the To: field are those you wish to send your reply to. Be sure your name is reflected properly in the From: field. Jane A. Doe (not jane, jane doe or JANE DOE). Type in complete sentences. To type random phrases or cryptic thoughts does not lend to clear communication. Never assume the intent of an email. If you are not sure -- ask so as to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings. Just because someone doesn't ask for a response doesn't mean you ignore them. Always acknowledge emails from those you know in a timely manner. Be sure the Subject: field accurately reflects the content of your email. Don't hesitate to say thank you, how are you, or appreciate your help! Keep emails brief and to the point. Save long conversations for the old fashioned telephone. Always end your emails with "Thank you," "Sincerely," "Take it easy," "Best regards" - something! Formatting Emails Do not type in all caps. That's yelling or reflects shouting emphasis. If you bold your type, know you are bolding your statement and it will be taken that way by the other side - X10! Do not use patterned backgrounds. Makes your email harder to read. Stay away from fancy-schmancy fonts -- only the standard fonts are on all computers. Use emoticons sparingly to ensure your tone and intent are clear. Typing your emails in all small case gives the perception of lack of education or laziness. Refrain from using multiple font colors in one email. It makes your email harder to view and can add to your intent being misinterpreted. Use formatting sparingly. Instead try to rely on choosing the most accurate words possible to reflect your tone and avoid misunderstandings in the process. Email Attachments When sending large attachments, always "zip" or compress them before sending. Never send large attachments without notice! Always ask what would be the best time to send them first. Learn how to resample or resize graphics to about 600 pixels in width before attaching them to an email. This will greatly reduce download time. Never open an attachment from someone you don't know. Be sure your virus, adware and spyware programs are up to date and include scanning of your emails and attachments both incoming and outgoing. It is better to spread multiple attachments over several emails rather than attaching them all to one email to avoid clogging the pipeline. Make sure the other side has the same software as you before sending attachments or they may not be able to open your attachment. Use PDF when possible. To, From, CC, BCc, RR, Subject: Only use Cc: when it is important for those you Cc: to know about the contents of the email. Overuse can cause your emails to be ignored. Don't use Return Receipt (RR) on every single email. Doing so is viewed as intrusive, annoying and can be declined by the other side anyway. Include addresses in the To: field for those who you would like a response from. Include addresses in the Cc: field for those who you are just FYI'ing. Make sure your name is displayed properly in the From: field. Remove addresses from the To:, CC; and BCc: field that don't need to see your reply. Always include a brief Subject. No subject can get your email flagged as spam. Think about your motives when adding addresses to To:, CC:, BCc. Use your discretion. Never expose your friend's or contact's email address to strangers by listing them all in the To: field. Use BCc:! Make sure when using BCc: that your intentions are proper. To send BCc: copies to others as a way of talking behind someone's back is inconsiderate. Email Forwarding Don't forward emails that say to do so--no matter how noble the cause may be. Most are hoaxes or hooey and may not be appreciated by those you send to. If someone asks you to refrain from forwarding emails they have that right and you shouldn't get mad or take it personally. When forwarding email, if you cannot take the time to type a personal comment to the person you are forwarding to--then don't bother. Don't forward anything without editing out all the forwarding >>>>, other email addresses, headers and commentary from all the other forwarders. If you must forward to more than one person, put your email address in the TO: field and all the others you are sending to in the BCc: field to protect their email address from being published to those they do not know. This is a serious privacy issue! Be careful when forwarding email on political or controversial issues. The recipient may not appreciate your POV. Email and Perception, Privacy, Copyright Choose your email address wisely. It will determine, in part, how you are perceived. Try not to make assumptions when it comes to email. Always ask for clarification before you react. Posting or forwarding of private email is copyright infringement -- not to mention downright rude. You need permission from the author first! Even though it isn't right; emails are forwarded to others. Keep this in mind when typing about emotional or controversial topics. When there is a misunderstanding by email, don't hesitate to pick up the old fashioned telephone to work things out! Know that how you type, and the efforts you make or don't make will indicate what is important to you and if you are an educated courteous person. If you forward an email that turns out to be a hoax, have the maturity to send an apology follow up email to those you sent the misinformation to. When filling out a contact form on a Web site, do so carefully and with clarity so your request is taken seriously. If a friend puts your e-mail address in the To: field with others you do not know, ask them to no longer expose your address to strangers without your permission. Business Email Think of your business email as though it was on your business letterhead and you'll never go wrong! If you cannot respond to an email promptly, at the very least email back confirming your receipt and when the sender can expect your response. Emailing site owners about your product or service through the site form is still spam. Ask them if they want more info first! When replying to emails always respond promptly and edit out unnecessary information from the post you are responding to. Formality is in place as a courtesy and reflects respect. Assume the highest level of formality with new email contacts until the relationship dictates otherwise. Refrain from getting too informal too soon in your email communications. Never send anyone an email they need to unsubscribe from when they didn't subscribe in the first place! Be very careful how you use Reply to All and Cc: in a business environment. Doing so for CYA or to subtlety tattle can backfire and have your viewed as petty or insecure. When replying to an email with multiple recipients noted in the To: or Cc: fields, remove the addresses of those who your reply does not apply to. Never send business attachments outside of business hours and confirm that the format in which you can send can be opened by the other side. Chat, IM, Texting Went Texting or participating in IM and Chat, try not to be overly cryptic or your meaning can be misread. Use Instant Messaging (IM) for casual topics or informational briefs. IM is not the place for serious topics or confrontational issues. Start by always asking if the person you are IMing is available and if it is a good time to chat. Refrain from IMing during meetings or when your attention is required. Practice communicating briefly and succinctly. Always consider if calling the other party on the phone is better when Texting about sensitive topics. IMing is not an excuse to forget your grade school education. If you are not a smooth multi-tasker, do not continue multiple IM sessions and leave folks hanging while you communicate with others. Learn how to use the features of your IM program. Specifically your "busy" and "away" message features. Never IM under an alias to take a peek at friends' or associates' activities. Take into consideration who you are communicating with to determine the acronyms and emoticons that should be used - if at all. Social Media, Blogs and Forums Keep in mind when Tweeting, on Facebook or message boards that you are in a global arena. When discussions get out of control; don't stoop to name-calling or profanities. You are better than that! In forums, keep your signature file to no more than 2-3 lines. Keep commercialism to no more than a link at the end of your comment or contribution. Stay on topic and discuss issues only relative to the thread/topic in question. If new to a group or forum, "lurk" for awhile to get a feel for the community and personalities of the regulars before you post. Never give out personal information or specifics to your location on online -- nor should you give out the personal information of others! Keep in mind there will always be differences of opinion. Try to remain objective and not personalize issues. Don't fall for trolls. Trolls are folks who will post rude comments just to get a rise out of everyone. Be sure to down edit, or remove any part of the post you are replying to that is no longer necessary to the ongoing conversation. Email Considerations... Before getting upset because you perceive someone didn't respond, check to see if their reply was inadvertently deleted or sent to your Trash or Junk folder. With emotionally charged emails, wait until the next morning to see if you feel the same before clicking Send. Feel free to modify the Subject: field to more accurately reflect a conversation's direction. When it comes to your email communications, know who you can trust; trust only those you know. Take the time to review each email before clicking Send to ensure your message is clear and you are relaying the tone that you desire. Never use an old email to hit reply and start typing about an entirely new topic. Regardless of how noble a forwarded email may be, don't just forward without investigating its authenticity @ Snopes.com. Always add the email addresses of Web sites and new contacts immediately to your approved senders or address book so they get through Spam filters. Before completing a Web site's Contact form; make an effort to review the site to be sure the information you seek is not already available. Take a quick look at the e-mails in your Trash before you delete them just in case a good e-mail landed there by mistake. If any email states to forward to all your friends, or just 5 people -- do everyone a favor and just hit delete! Don't mass e-mail people who didn't ask to be on your personal "mailing list". Double check that your adware, spyware and virus programs are set to automatically update at least once each week so the software knows what to protect you from. And finally... Type unto others as you would have them type unto you!

Why English is a FUNNY Language :) Yet we desperately need it

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. And while no one knows what is in a hot-dog, you can be pretty sure it isn't canine. English muffins were not invented in England nor French Fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore it paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pigs Are neither from Guinea nor are they a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose. 2 meese? Is cheese the plural of chose? One mouse, 2 mice. One louse, 2 lice. One house, 2 hice? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegitarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Why do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as heck one day and cold as heck another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on. You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and off a bus. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it , but when I wind up this essay I end it? English is a silly language………..It doesn't know if it's coming or going!!!!